:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
