The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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