I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
