That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
