Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
