you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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