I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
