a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
