how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
