if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can't talk, ducks in the car
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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