apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
