the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
