The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
