my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
