I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
