i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
