I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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