just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
