you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
