Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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