Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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