I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
