What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
