Only a mothe r could love this liver
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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