We're like a lot better than the average bears
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
PANTIES FOUND
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
