dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
