I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
