wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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