why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
