I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
