well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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