bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
