I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
