you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
