Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
