whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
