Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
