Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
