Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
