Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to fling myself into the sun
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
