turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
BRING THE BAGELS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
