She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
