you guys were way drunker than both of me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
