..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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