You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
