Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
now i know why i became what i already was.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
