I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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