Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
