Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
