i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
